They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
