No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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