i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
There's always time for handjobs
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
