I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
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