did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
