I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
