i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
