Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
