I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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