Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I am never drinking with the goths again.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
