Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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