If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
