ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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