it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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