I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I should be sponsored by Trojan
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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