Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Randomize
