you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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