shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Can vaginas get frostbite?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
