We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
