I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
