I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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