Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Vodka?
Forever.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
