I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
