Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
