..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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