Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
