I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
