I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
She's the barista slut.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
