I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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