Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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