you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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