What a fucking waste of an outfit
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
