At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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