The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
