ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
