dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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