i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
