I want to have your abortion
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
