ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
operation have a gay friend backfired
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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