Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
