trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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