i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
