Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
