I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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