I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
