i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
