I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
