also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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