I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
