Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
there is puke in my bra ... again
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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