You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
