I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
